Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
