I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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