the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
