I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
