I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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