Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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