There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
