Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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