i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
