i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
