It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
