I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
