i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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