Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
