Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
