I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
