Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
