I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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