I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
