You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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