ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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