WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
