Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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