I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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