totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
