Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
