Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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