I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
