The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
