I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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