youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
