Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
