Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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