I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
