So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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