I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
