Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
