Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
