we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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