just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
