Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
