it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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