You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
