Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
