At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
