i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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