i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
