Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
