I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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