I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
